Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
