hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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