highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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