Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
