you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dignity is for republicans.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
