JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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