I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
