Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
