dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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