Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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