I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
