I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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