i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
