Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
