It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
