i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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