we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
