Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
