If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
