He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
