Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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