There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
