I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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