why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
