and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The ass gains better be worth it
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