I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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