i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize