last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
