I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
