I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
