elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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