if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
