Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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