Swine flu is the new snow day.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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