I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
