He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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