She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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