I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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