We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
