i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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