Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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