3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
