he wants to bone in the snuggie
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize