I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
