somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
