Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just had sex bonerless
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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