You can't motorboat a personality
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
