I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
