Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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