So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize