I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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