I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
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Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one