I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.