It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
