He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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