In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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