Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
