my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
