moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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