It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
