I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
