I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
