i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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