Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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