I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
