My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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