Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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