Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
