I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
