i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
