we have officially lost it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why do cheetos always look like penises
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
